A Five Step Process For Healing, Wisdom and Empowerment
By Phil Golding (A Psychosynthesis Approach to Therapy and Self-Realization )
How the Process Developed
One of the essential tools of therapy and self-realization is clarity.
After many years of my own personal journey, which included overcoming chronic
depression, and then formal and private studies to become a Transpersonal
Psychotherapist, I sat down one day at my computer with the aim of defining
a process for self-realization. I wanted to define what could be called
the "laws of consciousness", the key principles that initiate the awakening
of one's consciousness. I was looking for more than just awakening. I was
wanting to define a process that would facilitate the evolution of consciousness,
a continual journey of personal/Soul development. I wanted to write it in
simple, straightforward terms that the average seeker could understand,
but advanced enough to stretch them into their next level of awakening.
Within my tool bag, I had such influences as the 12-Step Program of AA, existential philosophy, the work of John Bradshaw and similar writers, the works of Carl Jung, the deep theosophical works of A.A.Bailey (where I learned of Robert Assigioli and psychosynthesis, as well as the common synthesis of all spiritual paths such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Sufi, Tao etc.), my own personal experience and writings and most importantly, a deep intuitive knowing that had been serving me throughout my journey.
I have never been particularly interested in doctrine or tradition. When some sort of teaching is presented to me, one question above all comes into my mind: "How does it work?". I just want to know the guts of the process. I don't care where it comes from or who the teacher is. Does it work? Does it end suffering? Does it facilitate self-realization-the evolution of one's consciousness? Without realizing it at first, I was conducting my own meta-analysis. I was extracting from all these teachings, from ancient traditions to the wackiest new-age offerings, the essential working ingredients. What I uncovered was the natural physics that governs the evolution of consciousness. This is, of course, not new. These principle no doubt predate humanity. However, my take on these principles is unique, which is very important. Each unique presentation of these eternal principles gives us new insight that is more pertinent to the particular age were are living in.
I had learned through hard won experience that trying to escape from our human vulnerabilities, to try to run away from our suffering in an exercise in denial or repression, is futile. Carl Jung said that in order to solve a problem, one needs to raise one's consciousness to a level that is higher than the state of consciousness that created the problem in the first place. For this journey into consciousness evolution to commence, therefore, I new it was essential to find a practical way to transcend the habitual fear-based lower mind and and its ego and be centred instead in a state of clear, aware consciousness, which could be labeled Soul, Buddha Nature, Atma, Christ Consciousness etc., or simply conscious-awareness. From this position of conscious-awareness, we can then be detached enough from our lower mind to observe our human thoughts and emotions without getting lost in them. We can also be more receptive to our intuition - the guidance from our Higher-Self and beyond. Opening one's heart is a another term used for the state of conscious-awareness.
I knew from my own personal experience that one must turn back toward the human self and embrace it as its guardian and guide in order to heal and mature. This is where it gets difficult though. So often we try to do this and so often we are beaten back by pain and confusion. I have found that this pain and confusion is the consequence of our own self-condemnation, which the ego covers up in many ways, such as with blame and denial, or we may fall into depression if there is no other means for the ego to escape its own self-attacks. We are often unaware of this unconscious turmoil. The give away, however, is revealed in our painful emotions.
In order to awaken our conscious-awareness, it is essential to devote ourselves to the highest principles of consciousness, namely Unconditional Love and Total Personal Responsibility (in the Noble Eight-Fold Path of Buddhism, these are the wisdom steps of "Right View" and "Right Intent"). In so doing, a connection with the supreme Universal Consciousness, Life-Force or God is established. The potential power to be this loving guardian and guide is therefore accessed. From the transcendent standpoint of the conscious observer, one can see the physical human self as not the true Self, even though, in a given life, one is intimately linked to the human self. One can see that this human self, this child-like vulnerable self, needs to be embraced and integrated into conscious-awareness, like a child being raised by a wise, loving parent. And so the journey begins.
When introducing my clients and students to the idea of loving oneself, the obvious question that comes back is HOW? How can someone who does not Love themselves suddenly start Loving themselves? The key is to regard real Love as a supreme Life-Force that flows through every human being, giving us life and consciousness. This ultimate potential is available to us all the time, but it is our consciousness that controls how fully we are open to experiencing and utilising this flow. If our consciousness is not awake and taking active care of our lower human mind, then the flow of this ultimate source of Light/Life/Love is restricted.
I say Light/Life/Love to give these three words the same ultimate meaning. These words have been used in certain wisdom teachings down the ages to give greater meaning to the Universal-Life-Force. Lately, quantum physics has literally shed more “light” on this subject by revealing that the very foundation of all matter is quantum light. This is what atoms consist of. This is the fundamental building block of everything. This means that you and I are ultimately made of the same stuff as every other thing on this planet, including the planet itself, as well as the greater universe. Further still, physicists have discovered that this quantum light may have a form of consciousness that responds to our thoughts, to our intentions (ref. 5,6,7). This is something that spiritual masters have always known. The spiritual masters go further by stating that the essential quality of consciousness is Love. This is how the Universal Life-Force can be experienced through the heightened sensitivity of consciousness-awareness. It is a universal force that anyone can consciously draw on when they set their mind to do so.
Loving yourself is, therefore, simply a matter of setting a sincere, committed intention to be the representative of Unconditional Love to your human-self as best you can every day. This also includes being willing and ready to learn all you can about Unconditional Love from every experience of attempting to be the representative of this Love. In this way, Light/Life/Love literally becomes your teacher in this challenging and yet marvelous journey of awakening to Love. When you approach these fundamental principles in this way, the pressure of "getting it right" is removed. You just have a go each day, accept the results, forgive yourself for being human, and get on with learning what you can from the experience. You learn from observing and processing your daily experience through the perspective of Unconditional Love and Total Personal Responsibility. Unconditional Love reveals to the importance of accepting your right of be human. That is what you are here for. If you were already enlightened, you would no doubt be somewhere else. Life is not your punishment. Life is your opportunity.
We don't have to do anything for love. Love is Life itself. We can't be outside Life. We exist, we are Life, we are therefore in Light/Life/Love all the time. We suffer because we have become confused about this. We mistakenly think other people, places and things own our love. When we accept full responsibility to Love ourselves unconditionally as best we can each day, we become our own source of Light/Life/Love. The power is in our faith in these eternal principles, our sincere commitment to them, and our consistent daily effort to put them into practice. We are simply putting the physics of supreme consciousness to work. No one is excluded from this universal power. We are all plugged in, whether we know it or not. It does not matter where we start. It does not matter how unskilful we are at first. With this approach, healing, clarity and growth in conscious-awareness is inevitable - it is unstoppable. Every experience, whether good or bad, becomes useful.
This is the key. This is the secret to self-realisation. This is how I broke out of my chronic depression as a young man. My own self-condemnation was starving me of the vital Life-Force that is the core of my being. Without realising it, I had closed my own heart to myself.
Of course, the question remained: How to get the process of awakening and consciousness evolution across to the suffering client sitting opposite me in the counselling session? How to get it across to a meditation student?
By the time I finished University as a mature aged student in 1998, I was ready to start my own practice as a psychotherapist. To help with this process, I poured all that I knew out on paper in the form of a book on psycho-spiritual philosophy. I then felt I needed to boil all that down to a concise set of principles, which seemed to intuitively flow from my higher consciousness. The result is what I simply call the “5-Step Process”. Over the years I have continued to put this process into practice in my own life by continuing to develop myself, by helping others in my professional work, and in my relationship with my wife and my two stepchildren. It has more than proven its effectiveness. This process is the foundation of my professional practice and my meditation instruction.
The Process
The 5-Step Process is as follows:
Step 1. Self Acceptance
Step 2. Personal Responsibility
Step 3. Let Go & Tune In
Step 4. Live in the Now
Step 5. Live the Process
Above, Steps 1& 2 are written in their softer form. They can be strengthened by stating them as such:
1. Unconditional Love
2. Total Personal Responsibility
The stronger or more fundamentally the first two steps are presented and accepted, the greater the potential for clarity and transformation. The downside is that the ego can be over-confronted. As Assigioli pointed out, the level of work done with a client depends on the evolutionary development of their consciousness. As a therapist, I may be simply helping a client find his or her way through a personal issue and therefore back into everyday life, or a client may be seriously pursuing the path to enlightenment and thus is in the process of dismantling their ego brick by brick.
This is a personal process that is used to directly work with your emotional wounds, fears, insecurities and confusion. It is designed to develop your self-awareness and your own compassionate relationship with yourself. This vital conscious connection to your own human self is the doorway to ongoing mental and emotional healing and development, which, in turn, leads to ever increasing self-empowerment and self-mastery.
Step 1: Acceptance
Without self acceptance, we cannot heal, find inner-peace, or grow. We often
suffer because of our experience of being judged by other people. It is
our own lack of acceptance of ourselves, however, that makes us vulnerable
to the judgement from others. We often mistakenly think others are judging
us when, in fact, we are judging ourselves. Every human being has fears
and insecurities and gets confused. Every human being also has natural wisdom
and a deep capacity to love. When we can accept both sides of ourselves,
we can then consciously heal our emotional pain and confusion with our own
higher-awareness. With self-acceptance, the doorway to our true potential
opens to us. The power of self-acceptance is in knowing that our worthiness
is without question. We all make mistakes. We are all learning and growing.
In order to feel free, happy, and fulfilled, we must accept our fundamental
worthiness as a human being. By unconditionally accepting ourselves as we
are and caring for ourselves as best we can each day, we are then in a better
position to accept and positively work with any challenges that we may face
in life. Step 1 is connecting to our own internal source of love that is
available to us always.
Step 2: Personal Responsibility
When we combine acceptance with Personal Responsibility, self-rejection
is replaced with compassionate caring for our own humanness. Personal Responsibility
means that we are in charge of our own lives; that we have the independent
ability to stand on our own feet. In order to take charge of our lives,
we must accept our Personal Responsibility to Love ourselves Unconditionally,
knowing that achieving this goal is an ongoing process of learning. Facing
our issues is much easier when choosing this approach. We stop wasting our
time trying to control and change others in order to heal, grow and be happy.
The key to our healing, inner-peace, happiness, and fulfilment is in our
own hands. By living this new understanding as best we can each day, conflict
and unhealthy dependency can be overcome, which naturally improves our relationships
with those around us. The result is an increasing inner-harmony and self-empowerment.
Step 2 is accepting full authority over our own lives and knowing that we
have that capability.
Step 3: Let Go & Tune In
The key to happiness and empowerment is being able to confidently and skilfully
take care of our own vulnerable human-selves. We achieve this by letting
go of trying to control and punish other people or ourselves when emotional
pain is triggered within us, knowing that self-rejection is the real cause
of our pain. By accepting the Personal Responsibility to Love ourselves
Unconditionally, we instead focus inwards on the disempowering confusion
that has conditioned our minds. As we learn to correct these self-rejecting
thought-patterns and compassionately care for our own vulnerabilities, we
discover our own power of wisdom and healing. As a result of our persistent
efforts, we are increasingly released from pain and confusion and in the
process, we gain an increasing experience of command over our own lives.
As our hearts heal and open, we naturally attract and create more love and
abundance. Step 3 is taking care of our own minds by putting Steps 1 and
2 into action.
Step 4: Live in the Now
When we get in touch with and accept responsibility for our needs and emotions,
we are increasingly able to achieve the clarity of mind to take wise action
on our own behalf. Another benefit of letting go and tuning in is that we
recognise the futility of worry, regret and resentment. By working these
steps, we discover how to learn from the past and achieve our goals by positively
accepting and working with the reality that is in front of us and within
us now. We realise that making peace with the past and creating a positive
future is determined by the way we take responsible care of ourselves every
day, one day at a time. We realise that we have full authority and power
over our own minds and therefore our lives. As a result of putting this
understanding into action every day as best we can as we are learning and
growing, our lives simplify, and our happiness and vitality increases. Self-empowerment
and self-mastery becomes a real experience in our lives. Step 4 is by putting
Steps 1, 2 and 3 into action on a daily basis. Step 4 is about knowing that
the power to create the life that we want is contained within how we personally
take care of each now moment.
Step 5: Live the Process
Step 5 is about committing to this new, empowered way of approaching life.
The 5 Step Process becomes a healthy, sustainable and empowering lifestyle.
By working these steps as an ongoing process, every problem becomes an opportunity
to understand ourselves more, heal more deeply, gain more insight and grow
stronger. As our skill in self-management increases, our faith and trust
in ourselves increases. We grow in self-esteem and self-confidence. We attract
and create healthier relationships and we better manage those relationships
we have. Our ability for wise discernment continues to grow, enabling us
to manage healthy personal boundaries in the face of life's challenges.
By living this process as a way of life, we continue to evolve into our
true potential. We soon have something to give back to the world, for we
increasingly have love to spare. Life becomes truly meaningful and fulfilling.
We are willing and able to embrace all that life contains. Step 5 is about
knowing that we can benefit from every situation in life.
The essential laws of consciousness are revealed in Steps 1 & 2. Step 3 & 4 are about putting the first two steps into action. Step 5 highlights the interdependent nature of these steps as an ongoing organic process of life and consciousness evolution.
A Deeper Analysis of the Steps
Step 1, Acceptance, or its most powerful form, Unconditional Love,
calls us to end our conflict with life's experiences and instead, endeavor
to work with them. In this way, acceptance can be equated to Buddhism's
"non-attachment". For most people with whom I work, self-acceptance is the
doorway to deeply understanding this fundamental principle.
In his Four Noble Truths, Buddha regarded suffering as the product of attachment to all that is impermanent. Where psychotherapy is concerned, suffering can be seen as being caused by self-condemnation, but in reality, attachment and self-condemnation are the same thing. This deep philosophical connection takes a little explaining.
Let me start this explanation with the premise; all condemnation of others stems from a condemnation of one's own human self, and build an understanding around this.
We inflict our self-condemnation onto our children, who in turn, inflict it onto theirs. To the degree that we are subjected to conditioned love and personal judgments as a child, is the degree that our consciousness becomes disconnected from our true Self. We do not want to suffer, but our consciousness has become lost within the impermanent human mind and its mental confusions and disturbing emotions. In our childhood vulnerability, we are unable to recognize that it was our behavior that needed loving guidance and that we as human beings are always worthy of Unconditional Love no matter what. By the time we are adults, we think we are somehow unworthy of Unconditional Love for "not getting it right". Of course, we cannot live without this vital Life-Force of Unconditional Love. Because we now judge ourselves as unworthy, we must look outside of ourselves into the world of impermanence for this Love. Our consciousness is now lost in ego, which is like a chook in a chook yard fighting for the scraps of love that may be found in an imperfect world.
Naturally we only find a love that is adequate and we inevitably condemn what we find. This condemnation throws us into another existential crisis of isolation. In an attempt to escape this isolation, we then try to control the world. We try to force it to fit our ego's needs. When something does work for us, even for a brief moment, we then try to hang onto it and even imprison it. Hence the world of attachment.
Due to this confusion, we want all others and worldly life itself to be perfect, according to the needs of our ego, so that we won't suffer. We want what is impermanent to be permanent, in other words. We want other people to be superhuman because we don't accept our own humanness.
Step 1 is about rediscovering our essential worthiness, which has only been obscured over by our confusion. Our true Self, the essence of perfect love, is not lost but just waiting to be released back into the heart. Once our essential worthiness is rediscovered and actually experienced (which is not as hard as most people think), the conflict with oneself begins to fall away, and so to does the conflict with and attachment to (two sides of the same coin) the outside world.
Step 1 is like the mother or yin. In this step we become that mother, that wise parent who rediscovers the essential innocence of the lost, rejected, abandoned and condemned child within us. Step 1 is forgiving ourselves for our own humanness. We awaken to the fact that the child within us did not raise itself. It did not condition itself. It was essentially powerless over the experience of its formative years-simply reacting and responding as a child would, surviving as best it could. Our rejected humanness is accepted back into our heart of loving acceptance, kindness and compassion-unconditional love. The grip of the ego, with its endless fears, is broken and consciousness transcends the impermanent human body/mind.
Step 2, Personal Responsibility, centers around the realization that we, the adult self of conscious-awarness, must take full responsibility for all that our mind and body feels, thinks, says and does in order to gain the power to heal and transform. The blind, self-condemning ego in us still wants somebody else to look after our vulnerable human self or child-self, as though this then would somehow confirm to our ego that the inner-child is okay after all. If the self-condemnation is mild, then this love from others can be enough to keep the wound from surfacing into consciousness. If the self-condemnation is strong and deep, however, no amount of love from others is going to insulate our ego from that wound. Not only that, we will want to punish our loved ones for this perceived failure. Our self-condemnation is buried deep within our unconscious, covered over with pride and self-justification, initially out of reach of conscious-awareness. We think our loved ones are hurting us, but in reality our own ego-driven minds are just attacking ourselves. Our loved ones don't cause our hurt, they just trigger the self-condemning programs that run beneath our awareness, which darkens and distorts everything we perceive.
Discovering what we have been doing to ourselves, through working this process, can be a shock at first. We can be filled with a mixture or remorse and amazement. From this realization, a deeper understanding of personal responsibility is now able to be grasped. Before this realization, personal responsibility is often related to "doing what we are told" by some outside authority, which is in fact a negation of responsibility to this outside authority. Step 2 reveals that as consciously aware adults, we must be able to stand on our own two feet. We must raise this inner-child ourselves by entering into a fully committed and lovingly compassionate relationship with ourselves-the present moment consciously aware Self embracing and guiding the vulnerable human self, who is still alive and active within our mind's deep and extensive memory network. Our heart becomes a sanctuary for our own humanness, and also an open space for our own Higher-Self and ultimate Life-Force to enter.
Of course, due to still being human, we are not able to love ourselves unconditionally. With the power of consciousness, however, we are able to perceive, to feel, the truth of Unconditional Love. We can at least commit ourselves to this ideal while still accepting our humanness. In this way the ideal of Unconditional Love can still remain in its most powerful form without the ego rejecting it or deluding itself into thinking that it has already arrived. With every experience of life, the student is ready to the taught by Unconditional Love, the Master guide.
When the pain of past experience is triggered into consciousness, it can now enter into this new space within our consciousness of loving compassion and sacred belonging. Even if our consciousness is rocked by the initial force of the pain, the new knowing, this deep commitment to self-care that is now in place, returns us to the sanctuary of the heart as soon as awareness is regained. In this place of love, healing naturally occurs. At times the process may be imprecise, even messy, but the merging of consciousness-awareness and our confused unconscious has begun. Also, due to the commitment to self-care, a greater willingness to reach out to others for guidance in the process is more likely.
This commitment, this new courage born from self-forgiveness and newfound humility, is like the father or yang. It is the builder and preserver of the sanctuary. Self-love is no longer shallow ego-selfishness. Self-love becomes transformed and sanctified. It is now deep Soul-filled self-responsibility. It becomes the foundation of one's very being. Therefore, Step 1 & 2 are like yin and yang-the twin Life-Force of Love and Wisdom. It is filling oneself up from the inside in order to have love to freely give to others.
Step 3, Let Go and Tune In, is the ground of alchemy. It is where the transformational processing occurs. Unconditional Love and total Personal Responsibility are put into action in the form of deep inner-work.
This can be the hardest step to grasp and put into practice because the ego is continually blocking the process. Step 3 is about being, allowing, flowing. It is about surrendering to the healing power of the eternal principles of conscious - the very Life-Force of Love and Wisdom. In contrast, ego just wants to get in and "fix" things by judging, forcing, analyzing and suppressing etc. All this activity is ego trying to escape from uncomfortable emotions in some way. In other words, ego is trying to fix the inner-child when in fact there is nothing really wrong with it. All the child needed was and is Unconditional Love. Ego cannot comprehend this because it has been created out of conditioned love. Ego, or the fear-based mind, must learn to stand aside and simply hold the door to the heart open so that Light/Life/Love of our Higher-Self can do the work. The intellect is not thrown away. It instead becomes the servant of feeling rather than feeling's substitute.
Another area of confusion in this step is the difference between thought and feeling. Acceptance is often mistaken for indulgence, which is why Step 2 is so important. For instance, to help a child who is upset, one must accept the child in its emotional state unconditionally, even if the child is acting inappropriately. In this acceptance, this Unconditional Love, the child feels safe and a part of the carer once again. What one is accepting is the child's worthiness of love and the fact that the child is upset and needs to be cared for. It is essential though for the child's confusion to be corrected, which is much easier to do when the child feels loved. The ego, however, judges the child's display of emotion because the ego is frightened of its own vulnerability, its own humanness. The ego judges the child for being confused, when in reality confusion for a child is inevitable.
Feeling is pure energy, pure information-emotion being "energy in motion", as the saying goes. Feeling does not get confused, only thoughts get confused. Feelings tell us what our thoughts, our thinking minds, are up to.
In this way, consciousness could be called the art of feeling, or the art of being able to read feelings, to be able to discern them. When we can, we are able to distinguish the cry of the inner-child from the sublime whisperings of guidance from our Higher-Self - to take loving care of one and follow the other.
Therefore, it is our feelings that we must allow to flow so they can lead us back to the child. With our intention and commitment centred in Unconditional Love and Total Personal Responsibility, our heart is automatically opening to our inner-child of humanness. We can observe what we feel, rather than be lost in it. Any thought that is not in alignment with Unconditional Love is held within the eye of the observing Self, the heart of consciousness-awareness. We can discern this mental confusion because our disturbed emotions point it out. In the face of higher awareness, the confusions inevitably break down and important insight is revealed. By doing our best to practice and live Steps 1 & 2, our ability to be the loving guardian of our confused human self is greatly empowered. Learning and mastering the subtleties of alchemy, healing and awakening the mind, naturally takes time, and lots of trial and error.
The alchemy of healing, integration and consciousness expansion can be facilitated by a variety of one-to-one and group therapies, meditation, journaling, art, dance etc, as well as an ongoing open hearted mindfulness of one's inner-being. Mindfulness means instead of shutting out feeling, one is now turning into it. The old ego defenses of blame and judgment are no longer indulged. The inner-child now has a home where growing up can be safely completed.
Step 4, Live in the Now, is about putting our newfound integration and clarity into action out in the world. We are ready to step further out of our comfort zones, to live more of our potential. Because of our more compassionate connection with our own humanness, we are now able to offer this same compassion to others. Opportunities for healing past conflict and finding more honoring ways to communicate with those around us are now available. The term, "Living in the Now" reminds us that we can only act in the now. We can recognize how the mind in its confusion becomes lost in trying to control the past with regret and the future with worry. We are able to now learn from the past, plan for the future, but create the optimum reality in the now. A new empowering simplicity enters our lives. The doorway to the vast science of self-empowerment and conscious creating is opened to us now that we are holding the keys to our own life in own our hands.
Step 5, Live the Process, highlights how Steps 1 to 4 are an endlessly flowing cycle of:
- Opening our hearts to life.
- Taking full responsibility for our own minds reactions within the loving embrace of aware consciousness.
- Processing what we experience in life on a daily basis.
- Putting what we have learned into practice as ever increasing skillful action, which then enters us into a deeper experience of life beyond our comfort zones. Deeper vulnerability and past woundedness and confusion is exposed, which returns us to Step 1 once again, and so the cycle continues like an expanding spiral of organic growth.
Conclusion
The 5-Step Process becomes a vehicle for clarity, for understanding,
a doorway into process. We incorporate these principles into our own consciousness
where they become adapted to our own unique approach to our life. We become
the student of Life itself, enabling the eternal living principles of Unconditional
Love and Personal Responsibility to be our guiding light.
This process does not replace or invalidate any other path or doctrine, providing that Unconditional Love and Personal Responsibility is its foundation. It is designed to enhance our understanding and practice of whatever path we are on, in true Psychosynthesis tradition. Either way, spirituality and consciousness becomes centred in the heart. Old traditions that may once have repressed us can now be re-engaged on our own terms. We can take what we like and leave the rest. Ultimate authority now rests in our own heart of consciousness.
This process is also open ended. It is up to the individual how far they want to take their path of awakening. Likewise with the practitioner. To use this process in therapy, it must be done as an authentic personal path, where the practitioner is an example of these principles, which includes a deep acceptance of their own humanness.
The key to this process is Unconditional Love. One must be brave enough to step up to the ultimate Master and make that pledge to be a student. The Master is also ultimate Wisdom, for it take great Wisdom to live by the principles of Unconditional Love. Life's experience is the laboratory. Our own individual life is the experiment and we are the experimental subject. Unconditional Love is an uncompromising teacher. Wisdom will confront the ego at every turn. Light/Life/Love is nonetheless an eternally forgiving Master, for this Life-Force of supreme consciousness understands our humanness more than we possibly can ourselves. It knows that our endeavors to learn to love our humanness unconditionally is the path back to wholeness/oneness.