The Five Step Process
for Inner Healing, Self-Empowerment & Wisdom
By Phil Golding
Step 1. Total Self-Acceptance (Unconditional Love)
I accept my right to be human.
As human beings we are totally acceptable and worthy - we have always been so and always will be. This is absolute. Our human imperfections do not invalidate our worth as human beings. Self-condemnation, a mental confusion created by old emotional wounds, attacks our worth and is the real reason for our suffering. This confusion can also cause us to blame others for the way we think and react. Deep down we are crying out for love and healing. We can heal ourselves because we are also Souls with the potential of true perfection. A deep enough self-acceptance creates within our being a state of unity with the life-force of Love that initiates healing on all levels. When we can give ourselves Unconditional Love on an ongoing basis, it is then much easier to love others unconditionally. True empowerment comes from knowing that we are Souls of Love compassionately caring for our vulnerable human selves.
Step 2. Total Personal Responsibility (Wisdom)
I am committed to care for myself.
Personal responsibility is the total commitment to care for ourselves in the spirit of Unconditional Love. By identifying ourselves as being Souls empowered through Unconditional Love, we have the power to stand apart from our wounded mind. With the heightened awareness that this detachment gives us, we gain the power to see through our confusion. Whenever we experience discontent we have another opportunity to care for and heal our painful thoughts and emotions. Our pain is our responsibility. We are not victims. As conscious adults we have full authority over our own lives. As conscious adults we have the ability to learn from our mistakes. We can also care for ourselves by reaching out for help. Step 2 reveals to us the vital importance of this absolute commitment to care for ourselves, and how this commitment enables us to recognize how to genuinely care for others without compromising ourselves . This is wisdom.
Step 3. Let Go and Tune In
I change my world by changing myself.
Letting go reveals how to step out of the ego games of blame, conflict and manipulation, and step into the freedom of personal growth and healing. Our life simplifies dramatically when we accept that the cause of our suffering is our own confused thinking and the solution to this suffering can be found in the sanctuary of our own heart and Soul. It is here that an unlimited power for healing and insight can be found. To change our life it is our own reactions to the world, and the people in it, that we need to focus on and take total responsibility for. We do this by tuning in to our own physical sensations, emotions and thoughts in the spirit of loving compassion for ourselves. By staying in touch with our self in this way we come to experience the healing power of Love. We gain a great focus of power to change our world by first healing and changing any part of our own mind that is not motivated by Unconditional Love for ourself and all others. Through this process we gain clarity of mind and the ability to act wisely. Every experience, therefore, is an opportunity to grow in self-awareness, self-love, and self-empowerment. We can change our world by simply changing ourself.
Step 4. Live in the Now
I stay present in the now and find oneness with life.
As human beings, we can only act in the now. We have no power over the past or the future other than ensuring that we make the most of today, which points us in the right direction for tomorrow. We can only learn from the past, make plans and set goals for the future, and then ask the higher forces of Life to take care of the rest, knowing that this higher force is the greater part of our potential as a Soul. With experience and faith, we come to know this greater power in our life and so consciously draw on its unlimited strength. Regret and worry, therefore, is a form of confusion and is in need of healing. When we forget and slip back into our old ways, we can pick the process up again at any time and learn from our human mistakes. Everyday is a new day. With this realization our life simplifies even more and we find we have a greater ability to make the most of our opportunities. It does not matter what directions in life we take, or what obstacles are in our path. By working the steps and therefore staying connected to the guidance of our own heart and Soul, in time the right way is revealed.
Step 5. Live the Process
I live the process and gain the power to take command of my life one day at a time.
There is no moment in life that does not contain a lesson. Without an effective process for healing, wisdom and self-empowerment we are travelling blind in a world of confusion. Having a solid process to guide us ensures that we grow in awareness of these lessons and learn from them effectively. Being totally committed to such a process means that it becomes our normal way of life. Every experience in life becomes an opportunity to expand our consciousness and transcend our suffering. We do this by facing life directly and by keeping our heart open to the way our humanness reacts to life's circumstances. In this way, our humanness is continually being lifted into the Light of our awakened consciousness resulting in an ongoing self-realization journey. As we gain a deeper understanding of this new way of thinking we soon realize that we have the ability to face anything that crosses our path. We then have something to give to others, because we are learning how to remain open to receive from the Light of awareness from our own Soul and beyond, which is directly connected to the source of L ife itself.
Questions and answers about the 5-Step Process.
Q. What's new about the 5-Step Process that makes it special?
A. In a word - NOTHING. In fact, this process is perhaps the least new thing on the face of this planet! What the process highlights are the key laws of consciousness that create healing, integration and empowerment in the human mind. Laws of consciousness are like laws of physics, they have been with us right from the start. This process has been discovered and rediscovered all through the history of humanity. These laws of consciousness are the core of ancient philosophies such as Buddhism to modern philosophical thought such as Neal Donald Walsh's "Conversations with God". One of the problems of our new age interest in personal/spiritual development is that we are too busy searching for something "new" to give us the answers when all the while the path is right in front of us. The important factor about such laws of consciousness is that they are eternal. For instance, we read about acceptance or Unconditional Love, in other words, and say to ourselves, "Yeah, I understand that, what's next?" However, when we try to live Unconditional Love - total acceptance, we soon discover how little we know. Even after living Unconditional Love and benefiting from the profound changes it can bring to our lives, we realize that we still have only touched the surface. Unconditional Love may seem nothing special on the surface, however, like Total Personal Responsibility - Wisdom in other words, is has the power to take you all the way to enlightenment. In fact you could say that total acceptance and total personal responsibility are like Yin and Yang where the laws of consciousness are concerned. It is the foundation of every process.
Q. How long does it take for the 5-Step Process to take effect in my life?
A. This process is not a quick fix, it is a way of life. Through reading/studying, journalling, meditation, one to one counseling, group work, and being a part of a community of people putting this way of life into practice, thus actively caring for themselves and those around them, you learn how to enter into the journey of personal growth where your problems are turned into opportunities. The power of this process is in the fact that you learn life-skills that stay with you and continue to grow in you for the rest of your life. It become your process. Imagine having this to pass onto your children.
Q. How much does it cost?
A. That depends on you. At the Inner Harmony Center, we do our best to cater for everyone. If you really want to put in the effort and grow, we will find a way to help you do that in a way that will suit your budget. It is a matter of priorities also. How much is health and harmony for the rest of your life worth? How important is this to you? Is it worth rearranging your life a little bit to accommodate this opportunity? At the end of the day, like all things, you will get out of it what you put into it.
Q. You say group work and being part of a community is an important part of learning the 5-Step Process. Is this just another "cult" people are going to get caught up in?
A. Cults promote emotional dependency on a particular leader and tend to restrict freedom of thought. There is a tendency for the people in the "cult" to see themselves as special and to be cut off, frightened and suspicious of the rest of the world. The community that is forming around the Inner Harmony Center is the direct opposite to this. Our goal is to help people become emotionally independent and self-empowered. We actively encourage freedom of thought. We also encourage and help people to connect to other resources in the wider community. We are about loving and accepting life, all life. Goodwill and cooperating amongst all people is our objective. We simply understand the importance of being part of a genuine community of like-minded people where we feel free and comfortable to be ourselves, even while we are going through emotional difficulty. Having fun together is another important feature of this conscious community.
Q. Is the 5-Step Process just another doctrine – just another teaching to confuse us with.
A. I have studied many teachings and looked at many doctrines. I have found they all have something to say, but basically they are all saying much the same thing. I am not very interested in doctrine – by doctrine I mean things we are expected to believe because some authority says so. My only interest is what works to bring health and well being into people’s lives. What I have done, therefore, is boiled them all down to a set of basic principles, or "laws" of consciousness, that seem to apply to everyone, a bit like the law of gravity applies to everyone. By applying these natural "laws of consciousness" to our life, our ability to overcome our problems and confusions increases proportionately and we gain a genuine feel for how life works. I have been practicing these principles for the last 20 years or so and have helped and watched others do the same. I have experienced the benefits first hand. I see these principles or laws in action wherever there is good will and harmony amongst people.
Therefore, the 5-Step Process does not really replace any particular teaching. What it does is bring clarity to what you are already learning. Of course it can be used as your main teaching. We have more than enough material on hand at the center to keep you going for as long as you need.
Q. Do I need any special abilities to learn the 5-Step process?
A. No, but there are some requirements that apply to learning anything. For one you need to give it a chance. We are searching for such a program because we want to improve our lives. We may be suffering from emotional difficulties and confusion. It will naturally take a little while for us to get a feel for what the process is about. It is not realistic to expect to understand the process in one counseling session or for miraculous changes to occur in your life in one month. That is like expecting to get a university degree in one month. We tend to forget that life is the biggest lesson we have. We don’t tend to learn it because we simply don’t apply ourselves. It is an unfortunate tendency in human nature to think love and life-skills should just magically occur to us, and yet we spend years learning math and English, or studying for a career. Meanwhile the life-skills that ensure that we have loving and harmonious relationships with our partners and our children get little time and effort.
We all have trouble accepting that we didn’t gain all of these skills in our upbringing. In reality, few of us actually did. The world is the way it is for this very reason. The sooner we accept this important fact and accept the responsibility for doing what it takes to learn these essential life-skills, the sooner this world will be a much happier place. It all starts with our own self.
Therefore, what it takes to learn this process and gain the marvelous benefits of it, is to give it your time and effort. This is how we learn anything.
Q. What will I get out of learning the 5-Step Process? How will it benefit me?
A. Few of us realize how poorly we care for ourselves and what little regard we have for ourselves. However, a little honest self-reflection soon reveals the true picture, which comes as a bit of a shock to many. We are usually not aware of this because we are too caught up in our busy-ness and problems and the difficult circumstances around us. We can blame those circumstances for how we are feeling, and in some ways there is validity in this. However, if we look at it squarely we have to admit that our directions in life are determined by the decisions we make. The decisions we make are determined by how in touch with ourselves we are and how well we care for ourselves. We may not be able to control certain factors around us, but we all have the potential to choose how we are going to think and feel about it. Our own peace of mind is ultimately in our own control. The 5-Step Process first and foremost shows us how to build a loving and caring relationship with ourselves. My experience has shown that everything else falls into place from this.
Q. Self Acceptance and Self-care sounds like something for beginners. What use is this philosophy for those who have been traveling the path of consciousness for some time?
A. It is important to keep in touch with the fact that the master is always a student. When the master ceases regarding himself or herself as a student, the master ceases being a master. The human being is a microcosm of life itself. The more you learn to master yourself, the more you will master life. The fundamental problem that prevents the human being from achieving this goal is self-condemnation - however subtle this may be, which cuts us off from Love/Life-Force. What results from this is fear and its counterparts of pride, gread and ignorance etc... With each level of self-mastery achieved, a deeper, more subtle layer of self-condemnation is revealed, at first without us being aware of it. Personal growth and self-mastery is achieved in a spiral like fashion, like the growth of all living things, where we repeatedly cover similar paths with ever increasing consciousness. The degree of self-acceptance here needs to be at the level of knowing that you are holy complete, that you don't just serve love, you are love, even though you are still expanding your consciousness. You are learning to need/want nothing, because you have it all already. You are leaning to step forward in service to humanity knowing that all you need will be provided because it is yours already. This is a very powerful level of self-acceptance - accepting your divinity, your power in the name of the highest good for all.
As we grow in consciousness and therefore self-empowerment, serving humanity becomes a natural desire. Serving humanity is a challenging activity because helping others raise their consciousness throws you continually up against the resistance of their habitual unconscious survival mind, which is afraid to step out into freedom. Such a challenge tends to undo the unwary who think he or she has "made it" where personal/spiritual growth is concerned. We think that because we now have this great gift to give we will be welcomed with open arms. More often than not we are ignored or even attacked. Service requires an even higher degree of consciousness and a greater attention to self-acceptance and self-care. Setbacks and disappointments are frequent when it comes to serving humanity. The reward for serving must come from your own knowing and constant gratitude that you have everything worth having already, otherwise your foundation will not be solid enough to support you in this more demanding level of being. Our ability to turn these so-called problems into opportunities must grow with us.
The philosophy of the 5-Step Process, being born from the laws of consciousness, are simple in their nature, but this simplicity is the simplicity of spirit. It is not simplistic. It is the simplicity of perfection. This simplicity, therefore, confronts every confusion in our human mind and so the potential for expanding our consciousness is unlimited.